On Social Security "reform":
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
On rightist praise for Bush's speech:
A penguin is driving his car through Arizona when it begins to smoke.
He pulls off the highway into a small town and pulls into a service station. He asks the attending mechanic to take a look. While the mechanic is checking out his car, the penguin decides to walk around the small town.
He spots an ice cream parlor, and being a penguin, decides to enjoy some ice cream. He orders the biggest bowl of vanilla ice cream in the place and, having no arms, only fins, proceeds to get the ice cream all over his face and chest.
After finishing up, he proceeds back to the station, where the mechanic is up under the hood of his car. He calls out to the mechanic, who looks up and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies "No, no, it's only ice cream."