Saturday, March 18, 2006

"Patriotism!" or, a Rewriting of the Aristocrats...

My favorite current metaphor for the Bush regime is The Aristocrats.

A candidate goes on a stump speech and says, have I got an agenda for the American people! I'm going to make sure that nothing is done when I get a Presidential Daily Briefing saying that the foremost terrorist in the world is going to attack the United States. Then I'm going to make sure that lots of innocent people are rounded up, and I'm going to torture them. Meanwhile, I'm going to bust the budget, consigning Americans to poverty for generations. I'm also going to make sure that ordinary Americans can't find a job, and if they get sick, they'll have to go bankrupt. And I'll make sure that if they do go bankrupt, I'll have the way paved for debtor's prisons. I'm going to make sure that our education system is last to none in the world, by trying to teach nothing but religious claptrap. I'm going to have a culture of life that equates zygotes and brain-dead people to the real things. I'm also going to shit and piss on our allies, making sure that when we're really in trouble nobody's going to lift a finger.

Then, when a hurricane of truly biblical proportions hits, I'm going to put some utter incompetents in charge so that when images of the mayhem are broadcast around the world, it'll look like we're poorer than Haiti. All the while, I'm going to make sure sweetheart deals go to my friends in the defense, energy trading, and of course energy businesses. I'm going to be photographed walking arm-in-arm with the guys who funded the world's foremost terrorist.

Someone questions him,"What are you going to call this agenda?" To which the candidate replies,"Patriotism!"

Update: Wouldn't you know? Somebody thought of it first.

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